NANNY 911! I need help with understanding my kids !
I consider myself a good mom. But I cant help but feel that I am failing somehow. As some of you know I have three children. Brianna will be 6 in two months, Ronny is 3 1/2, and Kinsey will be 2 this month. I am pulling my hair out trying to figure out why they are acting the way they are. I understand kids will be kids, and I think mine are good kids the majority of the time, but they are starting to show blatant disobedience, and destructive behaviors . I tell them to do something and they look right at me, and as soon as I walk away, they do it again. On Wednesday, they broke the door to my oldest room clean off the hinges. How do children break a door? They have broken one of our computers,broke all headphones, ripped a hole on the window screen,refused to pick up toy room, broke both the vhs player and the dvd player, and now today the oldest popped the air mattress we had blown up in a spare bedroom as an extra bed. I asked why she did it and she said it was just to see if a pencil was sharp enough to pop it. Why? She is a very intelligent girl and knows better. Its not like i don't watch my kids either, they are just being really fast. Most of these incidents have happened while I am making dinner, in the bathroom , or at the gym.... (husband watches them). I am at my wits end.. I know kids will be kids, but at the same time I think my oldest needs to be punished. What should I do? What is a good punishment? I have taken away movies ( kids are not big tv watchers during day) and have grounded her from toys in the past (to try to teach value of things) for a few days, but that has not seemed to teach her anything if she continues to show destructive behavior. ANY THOUGHTS??? what should I do? HELP!
a few ideas
When your two oldest do the behavior again after you tell them not to, then I would put them both in time-out (a minute for each year they are-- so your oldest for 6 minutes and your middle child for 3 minutes). If they get up, then immediately put them back in the time out spot (I had a chair for my son who's now 3 yrs old but now it's just a certain spot, minus the chair). If they walk or run away, go after them and put them back on the chair until they sit for the full time. When the timer beeps, then look at them eye to eye and tell them calmly but firmly why they were in time out-- I actually ask my son to tell me why he was in time out to see if he gets why-- then you ask your child for a "I'm sorry." This is basically what Nanny 911 does. Her show last night was really good. I hadn't seen it for a while but I'm glad I tuned in last night. The family they featured had 3 children-- oldest 5 yrs, middle 3 1/2 and the youngest 20 months old. I wonder if you could look on Nanny911 website to see if you could see any of it (don't know if they show any of it online?). The kids were mean to each other, running all over the place, rude to the parents, etc. There were some good tips. My husband and I had to be SUPER consistent with time outs. Be firm, follow through with doing the time-outs when the behavior is hurtful, destructive, disobedient.
I'll post more if I think of anything else
Patty
Be Patient!
I understand what you are talking about. My kids are generally good kids but sometimes go through phases that make me want to cry by the time my husband gets home. You leave the room for 5 minutes to use the bathroom and come back to find all the DVDs laying out or an entire drawer from the kitchen dumped. As you probably know, children do these things for two reason. One, they are trying to figure out how the world works (oh, I guess poking an air mattress with a pencil will make it deflate!). The other reason is that they are testing us to see our reactions. I have found a few solutions to when these days happen. Get out of the house! Go outside, take a drive, take a walk, anything to get out of the house. The kids like the change of pace and will burn some energy. And hey, if they are strapped in a car seat for a short drive, they can't break anything. Another route I have taken is to take the baby in another room and say "we are going in my bedroom for quiet time to read a story, anyone that wants to cuddle with us on the bed is welcome as long as they are quiet". You could also use a craft project, blowing bubbles in the tub, anything to distract and redirect. This works because my son never likes to be left out, and, if the other kids don't join in, as least you have 5 minutes to calm down and face them with patience.
If none of the above methods work, call a supportive friend and chances are, her kids are acting the exact same way! Kids have a sixth sense about these things!
Monica
Ditto on gettting out..
.. of the house! I get out with the kids most days especially now that it's nice. I think sometimes when they start getting into things they shouldn't, it's because they're bored! Monica, that made me laugh when you mentioned about when the kids are strapped into the carseats they can't break anything! I have gone for a drive with the kids, just so I can have some peace, with them in their carseats! :) We use a lot of distraction, too (especially if my son-- 3 yr old-- is upset about something)-- my husband has a great sense of humor and gets Michael to laugh, etc.
Hang in there!
Patty
Strapped in cars seats = peace!
To add to the car seats... My husband and I never get out because we can't afford a sitter and the cost to go out. One night we had enough of sitting at home for yet another meal. We packed the kids up and order car side to go at Applebee's and sat in the parking lot with the windows down to eat and enjoy a meal. Don't get me wrong, my kids can behave while out eating but if they see even one kid misbehaving, they follow suit. They were happy to eat the PBJ sandwiches I packed for them and watch cars drive by. It was fun for us!
agreed!
We have taken a drive in the evenings many times just to get some peace. After being with the kids all day by myself, I'm ready for a break in the evening, but I always feel like we should hang out as a family. So sometimes a car ride is all we need to relax a little...no one can run, jump, stomp, kick, try to fly, etc.
Jessica
~ Mommy to Luke and Shawn